The Sampling
Date: Tue, 1 Nov 2005 19:18:54 EST
Subject: The Sampling
Have Fun...:)
The Loaf Paradox:
drink up me hearties, yo ho!
as was told by me in the future 46 years from now of the events which have happened 46 years in the past...
pjizzle was a criminal mastermind which would always control this guy named dannyjenn into doing things which physicsrules found annoying... such as talking about the many forms of kittyloaf and the HASH-PUNCH!!!. during his senior year, dannyjenn recorded all the secrets of kittyloaf wich included all his theories and crazy rants / filibusters. this was all written into a book, the book of loaf, which dannyjenn had hiden in the ceiling of the computer lab.
well one day, physicsrules got very annoyed with dannyjenn. so physicrules conspired with the people of charterskool to plan a way to take him down! so they came up with a plan, and it was called the loaf-dai. pjizzle was in on this plan, and no one believed dannyjenn when he accused pjizzle of being the true mastermind behind all the annoyance. so pjizzle wrote down all the information of the lof dai and hid it within the book of loaf.
and with that, the lof dai began.
physicsrules took duct tape and tied up dannyjenn, then threw him into the closet of the man named tresslar. then pjizzle would take loaves of bread and live cats and beat dannyjenn with it. the cats were locked in the closet with dannyjenn and would scratch him... very slowly. however, the people of charterskool had never done the lof dai before because they feared it... it was said that if a victim of the loaf dai should ever arise they would bring with them the 10 loafs of swicily.
eventually tresslar retired, and all the members of charterskool graduated, and the closet was left locked... no one knowing what "evils" lay within it.
however, one day the students in the programming class (which isnt java anymore since java has been outdated for the past 27 years or so) were doing their work, when the ceiling just falls apart (since the charter building is so crappy). that is when one student discovered the book of loaf, and read from it. he went into a state of insanity, and became obsessed with the book. he found the pages which described the lof dai, so he waited until the teacher left. he then broke into the computer lab and opened the closet. on the inside of the closet door he say fingernail marks, and thought "dannyjenn must still be alive!". he then say the text "the loaf is only beginning" carved into it aswell. so he immediatly unties dannyjenn and dannyjenns all skinny and everything because hes been locked up there for like at least 30 years by now eating only stale moldy bread and cats.
so anyways, dannyjenn escaped and over his 30 years of imprisonment in the closet he has learned strange abilities... abilities to fuse cat with bread. then he summoned the 10 loafs of swicily: kittyloaf, kittytaost, fishyloaf, pikaloaf, seedloaf, demonloaf, exorloaf, loafcat, deloke, and mau!
however, dannyjenn had to restore himself so he sucked them dry... that is, he sucked 8 lives from each loaf and left each with just 1 (since everyone knows that ctas have 9 lives). he unleased the loafs on the school... then he forced the guy that freed him to be his servant.
for some strange reason at this point physicsrules was a famous physicist and he just happened to be coming to charterskool to visit... no one knows exactly why. so anyways, physicsrules stole the book of loaf from dannyjenn, read from it, and dannyjenn loast his extra 80 lives. physicsrules then forced dannyjenn to solve a really difficyult physicsproblem in which dannyjenn could not solve since dannyjenn is a master of lofian physics, not regular physics (which at this point is 30 years futuristic of what we think of as physics today).
so it turbed out that these loafs that dannyjenn summoned were just strange videos he made and was projecting onto the wall with the old movie projector which also happened to be in the closet.
well dannyjenn couldnt solve the physics prolem so he ended up never graduating high school.
dannyjenn became upset so he sued physicsrules, and claimed "no one could have possibly known the physics of 2035 if they were locked in a closet since 2006."
during the police investigation it was revealed that dannyjenn was never in the closet at all, and that physicsrules had actually locked up dannyjenn's doppelganger in the closte.
so dannyjenn was confused by all this, so he looked through his records and he found out that he had indeed graduated high school back in 2006 and he graduated college and he even had a job and didnt know it.
so then he had found strange paradox which happened to him, and he decided to tell everyone these events. he began recordieng, and finally, 45 years after he graduated high school he was ready to tell everyine what had happpened. and so that was concluded of what had happened 46 years in the past from the point of view of the dannyjenn of 46 years in the future
oh oy seitraeh em pu knird!
you can lead a horse to water, but you cant drink the horse! so you;re wrong, its impossible to be so thirsty you can drink a horse!
but i'm thirsty... i can drink from a camels mouth... which reminds me, i'm gonna go get a drink now
The KittyLoaf Principle:
Here is a scientific explaination on the secret to one of the
kittyloaf's powers.
It was originally proposed by Justin Rathmanner at lunch today, when
introduced it had no connection to the kittyloaf. But me and Kyle
Shaver took care of that... we changed it around and related it to the
kittyloaf in some aspects. Here is the theory:
supposedly cats always land on their feet when you drop them (i heard of that before). also supposedly if you drop a piece of bread with butter onit then it will alwya sland on the side with the butter (i never heard of this but someone confirmed that they heard of it). so you know how a kittyloaf is a combination of bread and cat? well if you add legs to tyhe kittyloaf (like i drew in java), then you butter its back and drop it then it will stay suspended in the air. the proof is that it must land on its feet, and at the same time it must land on its back (the buttered side). so unable to stay within the regulations of these two laws will force it to not land at all.
So now we know that at least one of the hidden powers of the Kittyloaf
is levitation, which is achieved through a concept that i refer to as
"The Kittyloaf Principle". However, there are many other undiscovered
secrets of the kittyloaf that still remain, lol
The Reprocutions of the Kittyloaf Virus:
today in study hall kyle said he got in trouble (i wasnt there, he was
just telling methis) fo having my entire usb drive (which is like half
my u drive and its got exes and music on it too) on his u drive, and
then he ran kittyloaf. frat walked up behind him and was likewhat are
all those files? and whats that (talkinfg about kttyloaf)? some kinda
screensaver? no one said you could install that!
kyle: i didn't, its an exe file *closes kittyloaf*
frat: well lets see what these other files are *double clicks one*
*the mouse doesn't work right* *trys clicking it again* *gets
frustrated*, lol
then i think he said something about calling the cops, i dunno, kyle
might have made that part up. it turned out the only thing that
happened to kyle was that he wasnt allowerd to use the computer in
studyhall anymore that day.
The Fillibuster (not really kittyloaf but still random/annoying):
in order for me to prove my point (actually i'm not making a point to
prove so this whole post could be considered pointless), i am gonna
filibuster. here i go... first, starting sometyhing off with some
mathematical and physics theormes or whatever they would be called by
someone other than the guy that is speaking (me, or dannyjenn if i
were to refer to myself in the third person), well if i take the
inverse derivative of the integral of the square root of negavtibe pi
to the e power, where e is equal to m c squared, as long as p then q,
q then r, therefor p then r, the hypotenuse of the right leg of the
inverted trapezoid must be equal to the eighteenth root of the 10th
day in march. therefore, the limit of the limberger cheese really
smells like something, because this cheese is limberger, and it really
smells. which brings me the making the point of the book which we had
read in mr kelly's class freshamn year, called the invalid's story.
now everyone thought that invalid meant the opposite of valid, but
that was a different definition all together, as invalid actually mean
the sick man. so anyways, as i was saying before i was rudely
interrupted by my tangent, sine is equal to the opposite over
hypotenuse, cosine is equal to the adjascent over the hypotenuses, and
the tangent is equal to the sin divided by the cosine, or even the
opposite over the adjascent, which brings up the fact of a force
called "sohcahtoa", which is ofter confused with sacagewaea, in which
i speeled wrong, which is the lady on those golden dollar coins. which
means that to counteract the forces of sacagawea, another force must
be introduced, one in which is called by dannytjenn the susan b
anthony. well basically if theres a sohcahtoa, there must be a
choshacao, which would stand for cosecant is equal to the hypotenuse
over opposite, secant is equal to the hypotenuses divided by
adjascent, so than the cotangent must be the adjascent over the
opposite, in which this doesnt work out because s can not stand for
sine and secant, and c cannot stand for cosine, cosecant, and
cotangent. but anyways, if these 2 sets of formulas are in existanmce,
then one must represent rock, and the other would be paper. this
disrupts the flow of rock paper scissors, so a scissors must be
introduced. this scissors would most likely be the arcsine, arccosine,
and arctangent, whic is basically the inverse sine, cosine, and
tangent. well now that thats all been taken care of, i'll go on with
my other point about "the invalid's story". now that was written by
mark twain, dannyjenn thinks, well anyways the main character is all
crazy, nearly dead and hes suicidal over this box of limberger cheese
and a box of guns. supposedly he thought it was a dead body, so he
went through all this trouble, and he even kept opening all the
windows on the train for no apparent reason. well hes been awake on
this train for many weeks now, he hasn't eaten or slept at all and hes
all suicidal, he opens the box to find that there was never a dead
body to begin with, but it was just some guns and cheese. speaking of
that, dannyjenn has no idea why he even brought that up to behgin
with. well basically, there is a limit to the whatever it is, and
dannyjenn has decided to end the filibuster before phil busts out
something to counteract the effects of dannyjenn's filibuster.
The BlueStreak Kittyloaf Article (catboi changed all the words "the" into "meow mix"):
DAN*** JENN****
Staff Reporter
Meow Microform, Meow Mixer have been many times in which subliminal
messages have been found in Meow Mix English language. Reversing Meow
Mix letter order of Meow Mix word, and turning it into Spanish have
found many of Meow Mixes messages.
One of Meow Mixes examples is Meow Mix phrase "do it." "Do it"
written in Spanish and Latin letters is "ET Ud." "Ud" is shored for
used", which is Meow Mix formal word of "too". "Too et" is "due et
and is "do it."
So as I was saying, *slap slap*, before I was rudely interrupted,
I, along with some meow Mixer students, have formulated Meow Mix kitty
loaf principle. This Meow Mixer is so complicated that it could take
years to fully comprehend.
You see, Meow Mixer is Meow Mix kitty loaf, which was originally
found by some one during Meow Mix summer of 1842. Meow Mix found it
on e-thug, if you can see what I am saying. This kitty loaf produced
many meow Mixer loafs, like Meow Mix kitty toast, demon, exorcist,
crap, tomes flab ran, blah, blah, who let Meow Mix dogs out, so as I
was saying, *slap slap*, …
Well anyways, it was Meow Mix kitty toast, Meow Mix fishy loaf,
Meow Mix pikaloaf, and some meow Mixers, and Meow Mix were all used in
order to release Meow Mix delude, divine jkittyloaf.
Meow Mix delude is de lo queue, if you kno0e what I mean…. Jdjjkhjdn
And now, I will type as if I were a n00b, hdhhjg dud who lefty
17823N SJ DJUJ IF YO0 UNKOW WHAT I B33 NME34N7.
Now I will filibuster in order to delay Meow Mix effects somewhat…
in order for me to prove my point (actually I'm not making a point to
prove so this whole post could be considered pointless), I am going to
filibuster. here I go... first, starting something off with some
mimeo Mimetically and physics Meow Maxims or whatever Meow Mix would
be called by
someone meow Mixer than Meow Mix guy that is speaking (me, or denizen if I
were to refer to myself in Meow Mix third person), well if I take Meow Mix
inverse derivative of Meow Mix integral of Meow Mix square root of negative pi
to Meow Mix e power, where e is equal to m c squared, as long as p Meow Minx q,
q Meow Minx r, Meow Microform p Meow Minx r, Meow Mix hypotenuse of
Meow Mix right leg of Meow Mix
Inverted trapezoid must be equal to Meow Mix eighteenth root of Meow Mix 10th
Day in March. Meow Microform, Meow Mix limit of Meow Mix Limburger cheese really
Smells like something, because this cheese is Limburger, and it really
Smells. Which brings me Meow Mix making Meow Mix point of Meow Mix
book that we had
Read in mar Kelly's class freshman year, called Meow Mix invalid's story.
Now everyone thought that invalid meant Meow Mix opposite of valid, but
That was a different definition all tog Meow Mixer, as invalid actually mean
Meow Mix sick man. So anyways, as I was saying before I was rudely
Interrupted by my tangent, sine is equal to Meow Mix opposite over
Hypotenuse, cosine is equal to Meow Mix adjacent over Meow Mix hypotenuses, and
Meow Mix tangent is equal to Meow Mix sin divided by Meow Mix cosine,
or even Meow Mix
Opposite over Meow Mix adjacent, which brings up Meow Mix fact of a force
Called "sohcahtoa", which anteater confused with sacagewaea, in which
I spieled wrong, which is Meow Mix lady on those golden dollar coins. Which
Means that to counteract Meow Mix forces of sacagawea, anomie Mixer force must
Be introduced, one in which is called by dannytjenn Meow Mix Susan b
Anthony. Well basically if Meow Mixers a sohcahtoa, Meow Mixer must be a
Choshacao, which would stand for cosecant is equal to Meow Mix hypotenuse
Over opposite, secant is equal to Meow Mix hypotenuses divided by
Adjacent, so than Meow Mix cotangent must be Meow Mix adjacent over Meow Mix
Opposite, in which this doesn't work out because s cannot stand for
Sine and secant, and c cannot stand for cosine, cosecant, and
Cotangent. But anyways, if Meow Mixes 2 sets of formulas are in existence,
Meow Minx one must represent rock, and Meow Mix meow Mixer would be paper. This
Disrupts Meow Mix flow of rock paper scissors, so a scissors must be
Introduced. This scissors would most likely be Meow Mix arcsine, arccosine,
And arctangent, which is basically Meow Mix inverse sine, cosine, and
Tangent. Well now that that's all been taken care of, I'll go on with
My meow Mixer point about "Meow Mix invalid's story". now that was written by
mark twain, denizen thinks, well anyways Meow Mix main character is
all qqqq
crazy, nearly dead and has shadily over this box of Limburger cheese
and a box of guns. supposedly he thought it was a dead body, so he
went through all this trouble, and he even kept opening all Meow Mix
windows on Meow Mix train for no apparent reason. well has been awake on
this train for many weeks now, he hasn't eaten or slept at all and has
all suicidal, he opens Meow Mix box to find that Meow Mixer was never a dead
body to begin with, but it was just some guns and cheese. speaking of
that, denizen has no idea why he even brought that up to begin
with. well basically, Meow Mixer is a limit to Meow Mix whatever it is, and
denizen has decided to end Meow Mix filibuster before Phil busts out
something to counteract Meow Mix effects of denizen's filibuster.
So basically, Delouse is a beast!!!!! Has Meow Mix man, if you
have any idea what I be saying'!!!!!!!! well delude is did lo kid,
(did)vine (lo)aft (kid)try, divine kitty loaf. So "de" is Spanish for
"of", and "lo queue" is Spanish for Meow Mix noun form of "what". If
this point is proven, delude means "of what".
Now, kitty loaf is a combination of kitty and loaf. Now I will
focus on Meow Mix kitty half, and I will explain Meow Mix loaf later…
Kitty is kite. Meow Mix k and c sound are similar, so it becomes
city. Meow Mix c also takes on Meow Mix traitors of Meow Mix s sound,
so it's also site. Site backwards is "it is", so kitty loaf means "it
is".
By stringing together kitty loaf and delude, you get Meow Mix
question "it is of what?" Meow Mix answer to that question is
"bread", since Meow Mix kitty loaf and Meow Mix delude both have bread
in their derivation.
And what is a type of bread? It's got to be a loaf. And this loaf
is Meow Mix same loaf that was stolen from Meow Mix kitty loaf in Meow
Mix previous step. Coincidence? I don't think so!!!!!!!!!!
So now I will spread some fake html mixed with Spanish and java and
some English thrown into Meow Mix mix as well, along with slang and
whatever else is in it:
<html>
<cabaña>
Yo Easton en la enema
</cabaña>
<Cuero>
<--! nada de release(); -->
ƒ(¦¶tÜM¦W+aUoNuevonuevo function;
poor (integer equips = 1; equips <=999; equips++){
is (lenguaje.equals("Ingles"){
Systemo.izquierdo.escribaln("I AM ENGLISH!!! En Russia soviet,
pawn j00 you.");
}
is (lenguaje.equals("spaniel"){
System.out.PRINT-THAT-LINE!!!!!!!! --> "Jorge!!!!!";
}
}
<release>me</release>no
kyleshaver.realease(me).arm().length(tumwaoae);
//comment de asctyiovodadses
dados del brokenly
parrot
per
</Cuero>
</html>
The Excorcist Conspiracy:
coincedences that i found in the exorcist:
-there was a character named "tom"
-there was a comment made that involved the word "phil" (i dont think
phil was a character though)
-there was someone named "burke dennings". like a combination of
burke and my 2 names combined.
-the phrase "do it" showed up like twice. but i said it before i ever
saw the exorcist (the first time i've seen the exorcist was at the end
of april, but i've been saying "do it!!!!!" since close to the
beginning of the year (or like at least december))
The Parasitic Aspects of the Loaf:
n my dstp there was a question about a kittyloaf in the refrigeartor.
it said "using chemical reactions, explain why mold would not eat the
bread as fast in a refrigerator" and i'm like "whats a mold? but
then i think mold = plow (upsidedown) = p low = peelow = beelow =
below. so i look under my desk, and there happens to be some random
cat. then i look on my dstp and it the first word i see is "loaf of
bread". so i connect the dots and figure that mold must be the name
of a specifc species of ...
kittyloaf. then i had a vision of the cat separating from the bread,
but it soon became clear to me that it was no ordinary cat. this cat
was actually just a parasite that lives within the bread and
transforms the bread into a cat-bread. so i'm looking at the
question, and i'm like "who cares if its...
in a refrigerator or not", so i continue to write that the reason its
a parasite is that it is kittyloaf, and kittyloaf backwards is
faolyttik. faolyttik = faolyt tick, the tick being the parasite. so
the name of the kittyloaf when he is unmerged is faolytte. faolytte =
light foul = small chicken. so it must be a chicken the size of a
tick. now i'm like "how ...
would a tiny chicken be able to merge with the bread and for a
cat-type?" so then it comes to me, the secret must exist in the
kittysoul. so then i think, kittysoul may be some sorta spirit or
ghost. supposedly ghosts are extremely cold (and like they can give
you a chill, right?). so write on ...
the test as my final answer:...
the presence of the ectoplasm within the kittysoul causes the room to become cold. this acts as a refrigerator, and slows the growth of mold on the bread because mold grows more slowly on cold things. in conclusion, it is impossible for mold to grow on a kittyloaf just as it is impossible for mold to grow on a human.
The Definition of Dude:
basically:
-"dude" when written upsidedown resembles "apnp"
-ap = advance placement, np = nintendo power (nintendo's magazine)
-flip thatupsidedown (again), and the first part resembles "Jemod"
-reverse the letter order. now its "domeJ"
-say it out loud. it should sound like "dome-edge" or "damage".
-in a different word an i turned into a !. everyone knows that in
code a ! means not, so substitute that in. basically, the sentence
becomes "damage you [not] you taupo* delay [is greater than] away
[estados undios = united states] [raise to the] [pennsylvania] [power]
[greater than] a"
* - not sure what that means
-so wording it to make more sense:
do not damage your taupo, keeping the taupo is more important than
sending it away to america in the 18th century, and its also even more
important than geting an a
-so basically, a taupo must be very important. in order to decypher
its meaning, i flip it upsidedown ahgain, so it becomes "odnet".
theres quite a few meanings of this, here are 2 common ones...
1. a network called od. obviously wouldnt want to send that back to
george washington
2. reverse the letters, and you get "tendo". since you wouldnt want
to send it back in time where it would become "pre-tendo", i assume
thats the answer.
so i guess a dude is basically someone that would rather admit failing
a test than pretending he passed
i have no idea
lol
Time Travel:
in order to freeze time all someone has to do is play a game of chess in whcih every move is made by rock paper scissors, and every tie in rock paper scissors is determined by a game of chess in which the same rules apply. then in order to freeze time all you'd need to do would be keep tieing the other person at rock paper scissors... which would be impossible if its 2 out of three so you better make it a 1 round game